Hello! There’s a much happier H writing this morning. (even happier now as the door bell has just interupted me with the delivery of my new phone! It looks great, though I need to charge it before I can check it out)

I’m feeling so much more in control and on top of things today, and as far as I can tell as much as anything else it’s feeling that God is in control and helping take the weight from my shoulders. In church yesterday the vicar’s sermon was about intimacy with God and letting Him into our lives and he gave us a quiet time where we could just open ourselvs up to God and I really felt that He came and touched me. I just felt the weight lifting from me and a strong feeling that God is with me and supporting me at the moment. The feeling of support and lightness on my shoulders is still with me this morning.

I knew that I needed to go to church yesterday no matter what and now I feel it’s because God wanted me there to remind me that I just need to ask for His support and help and He’ll be there. I’m feeling so much more confident about the days and weeks ahead now, rather than worried the depression is returning.

We’ve had an interesting weekend this weekend. The munchkin has a streaming cold, she wakes up ok, but by lunchtime her nose is dripping and she’s getting very grumpy. My wrist is still giving me intermittant pain (though yesterday it was my own fault as I forget to take my tablets – I should have had 3, I forgot them all!). Mr H is very tired and trying to take some of the load from me so as not to worsen my wrist so he was a tad grumpy at times, though seeing what a difference God had made to me did perk him up a bit too.

Mr H watched Eurovision for the first time with me on Saturday, I love the pure cheesiness and Terry Wogan’s fabulous (and incrediably un PC at times) commentary but Mr H thought it would be awful, but he actually enjoyed it, mainly Mr Wogan though. I was quite shocked by how political the voting ended up being though, too many people voting for their allies and neighbours and not the songs (though the song that won was good). I’m not surprised how badly our song did though, it was too much in the 90s cheesy pop vein to do well.

Amazingly I’m even feeling positive about housework at the moment and getting back on top of it all, so today I need to (on top of my normal bits) clean the hob again, and hoover all downstairs.

My diet is back on track, I weigh in tonight and I’m hoping for a 2 lb or so loss…’s only been 4/5 days since last weigh in and getting myslef back on track though so maybe1 lb….anything would be good though.

I’m still a little worried about Dad. He’s going back to the doctors today (Mum’s working on him to allow her to go with him). I had my first experience of my memory loss on Friday when he rang to ask me about the trust fund money, he asked me for the same information 4/5 times in 10 minutes. Mum says he’s getting more withdrawn and he’s admitted that he’s had a bleed into his eye and he’s having a little trouble seeing out of it. Dad has blamed the bleed on the medication and has stopped taking it……we’re not thrilled with that idea….we think that the medication just hasn’t had time to kick in and the bleed is due to his high blood pressure. If Mum manages to go to the doctors with Dad then she is going to make sure the doctor knows about the bleed.


I don’t know what it is at the moment, but the strangest things make me quite emotional. We were watching one of the episodes of Dinnerladies on DVD the other night and as it ended I just started crying. Mr H just didn’t know what to do with me. For those that know the show it was the Millennium (Minnellium!) episode where Anita leaves her baby on the fire escape for Bren to find. I’ve watched that episode several times before but it’s never affected me in the same way.

I’m sure part of it is the broodiness I’m feeling at the moment, another part of me just can’t understand how someone can just abandon their baby. However I know it’s not a completely unusual occurrence. According to thisBBC news article 49 babies were abandoned in the UK in 2004, I don’t know what the statistics are for the US or other European countries. I know it is a lot more frequent in China, especially girls due to the one child laws and the opinion that it is better to have a boy, and I read somewhere recently about it being more prevalent in India as well.

But why is it done in the UK? According to the BBC site:

There are no firm conclusions as to why babies are abandoned. Some psychiatrists believe that mothers – especially young ones – can become overwhelmed by the presence of something that they denied for nine months. When the baby is born, the distressed mother can lose contact with reality for a brief period of time and may abandon her child.

Often the women can be suffering post-natal depression or feelings of inadequacy. In some cases, parents may see abandoning their child as an alternative to abortion or leave their baby believing the infant will have a chance of a better life. Economic, as well as emotional and social factors, can play a part.

I still find it hard to comprehend though. I know I was fortunate to bond really well with the munchkin initially despite the problems with breast feeding. I suppose I can see some of the reasons above, I just don’t think I can fully comprehend it.

Some countries have produced baby hatches or foundling wheels as a way for parents to leave their infants somewhere safe where they can be looked after for a period of time before the parent can return and claim the child or the child is taken into care and put up for adoption. In the US many states have safe havens laws whereby the parent can take the baby to a safe place such as a hospital or fire station where the child can be given into care anonymously and without there being any repercussions for the parent.

At the moment in the UK there is no facility for anything like this and a parent abandoning a child is seen as a criminal and could be imprisoned, I do feel this is harsh for someone who must definitely have problems in order to do this. Rather than the threat of prosecution hanging over these people they need help and support if they come forward, and that’s something I hope they’d have whatever.

That’s just my rather confused ramblings on the subject, what do you think?

Mr H and I have just watched the first in the new series of Top Gear. Apart from both of us getting annoyed with Jeremy Clarkson (an ‘arse’ according to Mr H and an ‘arrogant sod’ in my opinion after his behaviour in the road works section of the show) it was really interesting….now I’m quite a girly girl so it’s not something I’d be expected to say but watching the Hamsters crash was definitely interesting. I’m amazed that 4 months on he’s basically back to normal, he’s got his driving license back and is being his usual self (though I think a little less cocky than he has sometimes appeared). I can’t see him being as much of a daredevil as he used to be, but I guess as we watch more of the series we’ll see. Some of the Hamster’s comments in the video before the crash were so ironic it was astonishing.

I never used to like the show, but as it’s one of Mr H’s favourites I made the effort to watch it and now really quite enjoy some of the videos (not Clarkson careering around the track in the fast cars) and the banter between the 3 presenters. We do like watching the races between Clarkson in a fast car andthe other two using various types of public transport to try and get somewhere, I wonder if they’ve done one for this series……

I suspect that tonights show will have possibly the highest ever audience for a Top Gear show, they very sneakily put the video of the Hamster’s accident on at the end so that everyone would have to watch it all first. I do know though that if it wasn’t for Mr H getting me vaguely interested in the show anyway I wouldn’t have watched it tonight.

…than I disappear again! Sorry!

Well we were away again last weekend. We went back up to Yorkshire to see my folks and my school friends. It was great to see Mum and Dad (the munchkin loves her grandpa, and loves tugging his beard and giggling at him quacking at her) and fab to see my school mates. They took me out for a girlie night out (my first one since the munchkin was born), it was a great night, they did ply me with rather a lot of wine though….I did stumble up the steps a bit when I got home… It was quite wierd to be out without the munchkin, but so nice to go and in see her sleeping happily. Mr H seemed to enjoy having a takeaway curry with Mum (he loves his northern currys…) while they babysat the munchkin and was sitting watching a film when I got in (Mum had already gone home to bed). We managed to call in and see my gran on our way home. She hasn’t seen the munchkin since November so she loved to see how much she’d changed.

Since we got back the munchkin has been a bit off colour, had a little bit of a temperature and today has been a poo monster. Every single nappy since we got up until Mr H got in from work has been wet and pooey. The first two of the day also leaked all over her sleeping bag in the first instance and her clothes in the second….fun….not! She did perk up after some Nurofen this afternoon which helped me, as I’m suffering with a cold too. Hopefully we’ll have a good night tonight and all feel a bit better tomorrow.

I’m watching celeb X Factor as I type this, it’s so funny! Some are good (Chris Moyles, Nikki Sanderson and Matt Stevens) and some are dire (James & Rebecca and the Chefs). I think Chris will win….Radio 1 have been plugging him all week and trying to get people to vote for him.

Can’t believe James and Rebecca are through again…