Stop reading here unless you can face a huge whinge/moan…..

I weighed myself this morning…I weigh more now than I did at the start of the year. Back in February I said that I wanted to lose weight for my nephew’s baptism….well that’s on Sunday…and I haven’t. So unless I wear a very padded bra my tummy is going to look big. I just don’t know what to do now to keep myself motivated and focussed. Every time I feel tired/low /bored/(insert any other emotion here) I find myself reaching for cake/chocolate/anything full of calories. Over on Suburban Mum‘s blog there has been a suggestion in the comments of a group of bloggers starting a weight loss blog. I love the idea, any accountability/support has to be good at the moment.

My tendonitis has also had another flare up at the moment. Out of the past 6 weeks more than 2 have been spent with my wrist strapped up and pain when I type/do housework/push the buggy… It’s not really helping my mood, or my weight since the munchkin is still too small to walk far (and too slow to help any weight loss) and I can’t do any of the exercises at the fitness class which involve putting weight through my wrist.

The house is looking more and more like a tip. Mr H is not really helping either. Every morning before work he makes his lunch then leaves me all the rubbish (ham packets, pepper/tomato cores/ grape stems/crumbs etc) to clear up, he always leaves his glass/mug in the bedroom from the night before and he never puts any of his paperwork/post away. I know it sounds pathetic, but I’ve been working really hard to try and get the house under control and he’s just not helping. Even though he says he loves having the surfaces clear in the kitchen and having space on the dining table he’s just doesn’t seem willing to help keep them clear.

We still haven’t got much further with the campsite hunting. Suburban Mum’s suggestion looks really good, but sadly it’s a bit too far. We can’t switch our church commitments so we won’t be able to leave until lunchtime. Anglesey is a good 5 hours from here on a good run, and that’s without counting toilet stops for the munchkin. Grrr… back to the drawing board. We’ll come up with somewhere, at least we’re not going in school holidays so there shouldn’t be too much difficulty booking a site as long as we do it fairly soon.

Well, thanks to my stupid wrist it’s taken me 2 hours on and off to get this typed so I’m going to give up my whinge there. Hopefully I’ll be back tomorrow in a better mood….


That’s my word for the morning!

It started with the munchkin dropping her head onto my nose while in bed this morning, she was playing there while Mr H was showering. Definitely an ouch! There was even a crunch sound! We then spent the next 20 minutes trying to get the munchkin to say something resembling sorry (for hurting Mummy). How did you teach your child/children to say sorry? We’re really not getting anywhere with that one. We just tend to get lots of tears instead. We eventually heard the so sound and gave up at that tihis morning. The frustrating thing is that we know she can say the word sorry as we’ve heard it as she’s been chattering away to herself when she’s been playing.

Another ouch this morning was when I weighed myself…my heaviest this year! Thankfully no heavier than I was when on Slimming World properly last year but still 6 lbs (!!!) heavier than when I last weighed myself! I’ve created myself a food diary sheet to pin on the fridge, I just hope now that I can stick to it and remember to write down exactly what I eat when (no cheating…). I wonder how long I can do that for….my guess is not very long, I’ve printed out sheets for 4 weeks and I really don’t want to miss out too many days on that (no more than one a week is my challenge).

The third (and hopefully final) ouch of the morning is my wrist. For some reason my tensonitis has had a big flare up this morning, I couldn’t lift the kettle to make myself and Mr H a cup of tea earlier. I suspect it partly due to using the touch pad on the laptop. Mr H has dug out a wireless mouse for me to use, hopefully that’ll help, ibuprofen has done nothing to it this morning.

That’s how things are feeling in the H household.

Mr H has finished sorting his CV (and eventually fitting it on 2 sides of A4) so we can start to apply for jobs this weekend. R has decided to rent a house with a friend from church and look for any job in that area (while still keeping her eyes on more specialised roles). The munchkin is back to her normal self after a bug earlier in the week. Things are definitely a bit more relaxed.

The only downside is my own stupidity (or lack of co-ordination!). I ended up in the local NHS walk in centre last night after banging my knee rather hard into a corner of the desk (I leapt up to look at Mr H’s new 2 page CV). Thankfully it’s just bruised, but it was rather painful last night. It’s eased a bit this morning, though the more I use it (not surprisingly) the more it hurts. Despite this the munchkin and I are going to go out to toddler group this afternoon as she hasn’t seen her little friends all week (due to her bug). It’s only a 2 minute walk away and I know that my friend will help keep an eye on the munchkin should I just need to sit down for a bit.

Another thing that’s making me feel better is that Mr H has said that we will go up to my sister’s on Sunday to see my baby nephew. I can’t wait to see him (and will try to post a picture when I get back). It’ll help me to see my family at the moment and I think Mr H won’t refuse a cuddle either!

Hello! There’s a much happier H writing this morning. (even happier now as the door bell has just interupted me with the delivery of my new phone! It looks great, though I need to charge it before I can check it out)

I’m feeling so much more in control and on top of things today, and as far as I can tell as much as anything else it’s feeling that God is in control and helping take the weight from my shoulders. In church yesterday the vicar’s sermon was about intimacy with God and letting Him into our lives and he gave us a quiet time where we could just open ourselvs up to God and I really felt that He came and touched me. I just felt the weight lifting from me and a strong feeling that God is with me and supporting me at the moment. The feeling of support and lightness on my shoulders is still with me this morning.

I knew that I needed to go to church yesterday no matter what and now I feel it’s because God wanted me there to remind me that I just need to ask for His support and help and He’ll be there. I’m feeling so much more confident about the days and weeks ahead now, rather than worried the depression is returning.

We’ve had an interesting weekend this weekend. The munchkin has a streaming cold, she wakes up ok, but by lunchtime her nose is dripping and she’s getting very grumpy. My wrist is still giving me intermittant pain (though yesterday it was my own fault as I forget to take my tablets – I should have had 3, I forgot them all!). Mr H is very tired and trying to take some of the load from me so as not to worsen my wrist so he was a tad grumpy at times, though seeing what a difference God had made to me did perk him up a bit too.

Mr H watched Eurovision for the first time with me on Saturday, I love the pure cheesiness and Terry Wogan’s fabulous (and incrediably un PC at times) commentary but Mr H thought it would be awful, but he actually enjoyed it, mainly Mr Wogan though. I was quite shocked by how political the voting ended up being though, too many people voting for their allies and neighbours and not the songs (though the song that won was good). I’m not surprised how badly our song did though, it was too much in the 90s cheesy pop vein to do well.

Amazingly I’m even feeling positive about housework at the moment and getting back on top of it all, so today I need to (on top of my normal bits) clean the hob again, and hoover all downstairs.

My diet is back on track, I weigh in tonight and I’m hoping for a 2 lb or so loss…’s only been 4/5 days since last weigh in and getting myslef back on track though so maybe1 lb….anything would be good though.

I’m still a little worried about Dad. He’s going back to the doctors today (Mum’s working on him to allow her to go with him). I had my first experience of my memory loss on Friday when he rang to ask me about the trust fund money, he asked me for the same information 4/5 times in 10 minutes. Mum says he’s getting more withdrawn and he’s admitted that he’s had a bleed into his eye and he’s having a little trouble seeing out of it. Dad has blamed the bleed on the medication and has stopped taking it……we’re not thrilled with that idea….we think that the medication just hasn’t had time to kick in and the bleed is due to his high blood pressure. If Mum manages to go to the doctors with Dad then she is going to make sure the doctor knows about the bleed.

That seems to have been what my life has been living by. If anything has been able to go wrong it has done.

It’s been such a frustrating week, and I can’t even work out what started it all off.

I think it may have been my mobile deciding that it wasn’t going to tell me when it was running out of battery and just dying and then deciding that actually ringing when someone called me was optional! Mr H and I spent a little time discussing what sort of phone to get me. I wanted a smartphone so I didn’t have to carry a diary/address book around with me as well as a phone. H agreed to that and then suggested I get one with a Palm operating system as we already have palm software (he’s had Palm OS PDAs for as long as I’ve known him). That left us with a Treo,unless we bought second hand from eBay with not much idea of the actual condition of the phone we were left with the 650 model from Palm’s partner that sells refurbished models. Those phone are so expensive……it’s costing us £137.50 (plus needing to buy an SD card for extra memory for books/music on there). As soon as we decided that’s what we were going to get the supplier sold out! I’ve spent the last couple of days refreshing the stock list on the web and as soon as one came in yesterday we ordered it. Hopefully it’ll arrive early next week and the crapness that is my current phone can go in the bin.

I’ve had a crap week with the diet this week, at weigh in on Wednesday (delayed because of the bank holiday) I’d put on a pound and I’m not really surprised, I half expected it to be more, I’ve eaten so badly this week. When I’m finding life hard I find myself relying on food to lift my mood and with Mr H being the skinny runt he is there’s always junk food around and I found myself snacking away again. I was better yesterday, and am erally trying hard today to get back on track.

Another nightmare has been trying to work out whether we want a new laptop, whether cheap one from Aldi was good enough for us (the advert for that prompted all the discussions) and whether we could afford it. We decided that yes we wanted one, yes the Aldi one was just about good enough and yes we could afford it. So we trooped off to Aldi yesterday, I walked in the door 5 minutes after it opened and promptly heard the manager saying to the people in the queue (8ish people) that he’d just sold the last one! There can have been no more than 7/8 laptops for the whole store! When we pulled into the car park it was just after 9 and there were 3 people just getting into cars with laptops and I saw another couple leaving the store with them. I walked back out of the store (the laptop was all we wanted) to see Mr H just leaving to go on to work. The plan had been that he’d drop me off and I’d get the bus home again complete with laptop and munchkin, but I did hope that when I came out so promptly he’d still be there and would take me home and then work from the local site for the morning….too late. I had to wait 45 minutes for the bus and head home empty handed on my own.

I was so close to crying, it’s not taken much to set me off all week (I split the munchkin’s bedtime milk on Wednesday and had to get Mr H to clean it up as I couldn’t deal with it). It’s almost as bad as I was this time last year when I was put on ADs by the doctor, I’m going to try and sort my mood out with a decent diet and more exercise and see if that helps first before going back to the GP. I’m also hoping that going away to stay in Scotland with Mr H’s sister and husband will help too. We’re setting off on Thursday, Mum’s paid for us to stop over near Birmingham so we don’t have to do 500+ miles in a day (she’s a star!), should be there by Friday tea-time. We’re there until the following Friday and then calling at Mum and Dad’s on the way home to see them and my old school friends. Hopefully I’ll get some rest, Mr H has said that he’ll try and make sure I do. If I’m not feeling better once we’re home again I think I need to see the doctor and see what he suggests.

I’ve been very lax on commenting this week…I haven’t even read most blogs I usually do, hopefully next week I’ll be a bit better. Shout at me if you think I should ahve come by and said hi!

I don’t think I did too badly….while I still didn’t comment as much as I hoped I would I definitely did comment much more than before. I’m still finding it hard to decide what to say, especially if someone else has said the same, but I’m trying to bite the bullet and just say something. I just need to keep it up now.

I’m still having problems with my wrist today, I couldn’t stay at toddler group with the mucnhkin this morning, we had to leave 20 minutes early as it was just aching too much. I just hope the doctor on Friday is helpful….whenever I’ve seen him before he’s been ok, so we’ll see. I’ve just got to keep on top of as much as I can in the house, I don’t want to have to make Mr H do lots when he gets in from work, though he has said he doesn’t mind sorting the washing in an evening…it helps him unwind before bed (!?!?!?). I shan’t complain, but I will try and get it done if I can, it’s one of the jobs that was a problem yesterday.

…having been very relieved last week when my wrist seemed to have sorted itself out it seems I was a bit premature….

Both of my wrists gradually got more and more uncomfortable yesterday. i thought it’d all ease off again, but as today has gone on it’s got worse and worse. I couldn’t even use my right hand to push the pushchair down to the doctors earlier on. Whenever I needed to use my right hand to help steer I got shooting pains up my forearm. Frustratingly the only appointment available for the rest of the week is 5pm on Friday, so I’m just going to have to cope until then.

I’ve taken ibuprofen (made absolutely no difference…..unless the pain was going to get dramatically worse as it’s gradually worsened since I took it) and put the splint I was given at the walk in centre last week back on. Grrrr again!

I had a text from my sister this morning saying that her lastest scan had gone well and that baby was fine and due on 14 November…..I’d not realised until then that almost to the day that our baby died she can conceiving her baby. I’ve not cried about our baby for a few weeks, but that really set me off. The munchkin was lovely and just let me cuddle and hug her without wriggling to go and play. She definitely knew something was wrong (the tears dripping from my cheeks may have been a give away…). I’m so, so happy for them, but the timing for me is just horrible, I just hope baby doesn’t come 4 weeks early….

Some good news to finish off with today….another 2 1/2lb loss last night puts me 5lb down after 2 weeks on the diet. I’m quite chuffed with that, some of my trousers are already starting to fall off me…I hope I can stick at it this time, I’ve not been too good at that in the past. I did get down to 10 stone 7 a couple of years ago, but as soon as I stopped weighing and counting everything I put most of it back on again. With this diet there not so much weighing, it’s more about me changing how I eat things so I’m fairly hopeful, and even if we decide to try for a baby again and I fall pregnant then, as long as my midwife agrees, I can carry on with it and work at not putting too much weight on.

I’m going to stop there…it’s taken me the best part of an hour to type this as I keep having to stop as my wrist begins to ache again. Hopefully back tomorrow….wrist dependant! Bye!