Fun


Messy monster

Yup, the munchkin managed to get the lid off a tub of sudocrem and smear it all over herself and a bit of the carpet this morning.

We were still dozing in bed after getting her out of her cot this morning (she woke before our alarm but not so early that she went back to bed) when we heard some funny clapping sounds, we looked up and through our doorway (on the left of the picture) we could see the munchkin. Neither of us had our glasses on but we could tell something wasn’t right. I suddenly saw she had white hands, grabbed my glasses and discovered the sudocrem. Hmmmm. We happened to have our little point and shoot camera in the bedroom after Mr H’s trip last week so we grabbed a quick photo (had to be done!) and then set to cleaning her up.

Mr H sorted the carpet while I cleaned the munchkin. I’ve been on the back foot all day since! The sleepsuit is currently soaking in washing up liquid before being thrown into the washing machine (I didn’t think the detergent could do it on it’s own).

At least I have a cake to look forward to, one of my jobs for today was use up some over-ripe bananas so I’ve priorised cake making and it’s baking nicely in the oven – sod the diet! For today at least!

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I’ve just been sent these in an email and thought they were great. Enjoy!

Those wonderful Church Bulletins! 
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences ( with all the BLOOPERS ) actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in
church services:
————————–
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
————————–
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
————————–
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance
to get rid of those things not worth keeping around
the house. Bring your husbands.
————————–
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about
you.
————————–
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
————————–
Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way
again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
————————–
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
————————–
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that
began in their school days.
————————–
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to
our choir practise.
————————–
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to
the addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.
————————–
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
————————–
Please place your donation in the envelope along
with the deceased person you want remembered.
————————–
The church will host an evening of fine dining,
super entertainment and gracious hostility.
————————–
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and
medication to follow.
————————–
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement
on Friday afternoon.
————————–
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket
and come prepared to sin.
————————–
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at
10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall
after the B. S. is done.
————————–
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
Congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
————————–
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at
7 PM . Please use the back door.
————————–
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
————————–
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
————————–
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new
campaign slogan last
Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

Mum has just emailed this to me, it’s fab! 

MUM – JOB DESCRIPTION

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, no one would have done it!!!!

POSITION:

Mother, Mum, Mumma, Mummy, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life.

I’m typing this whilst being watched by an eagle eyed pigeon….

I was sitting in the dining room at the computer earlier when a loud fluttering caught my attention. I looked down to see a young pigeon sitting at my feet. It showed no inclination to go back out through the open patio doors so after taking advice from Dad I tried to gently pick it up and take it outside. No chance. As soon as I got anywhere near it it flew up onto the coat hooks, I thought it had impaled it’s wing on one, but thankfully the hook that looked like it was impaling it was just poking through some feathers. Mr H returned back from a bike ride and tried to get the pigeon off the hooks, it promptly flew to the top of the fridge and that’s where it is sitting now, 90 minutes on.

I’ve called the RSPCA, but as the bird is uninjured they have said to open all doors and windows and call back if the pigeon is still here at 9pm (it’s now 7pm, and I spoke to them at 5:45). I somehow think that they will be getting a call back, the bird is showing no signs of moving and is just hiding in the top corner of the fridge next to the cupboard. Mr H is keeping the munchkin entertained in the garden, as far away from the patio door as possible, while I try and keep an unobtrusive eye on the pigeon…

Poor little thing, it’s only a baby, it’s still got downy feathers on it’s tummy. I hope it manages to get itself out….there’ll be fun and games here later if not…

I’ll be back later on (today or tomorrow) with an update and possibly a photo or two…

—————————————————————

9am Monday

The pigeon made a move to the kitchen window of it’s own accord at about 8 last night, it didn’t get very far though. It couldn’t see where the open part of the window was so panicked and settled on the top of the cupboard. He seemed settled in for the night so at 8:45 we called the RSPCA again to be met by a different set of advice….none of which encouraged the pigeon to move…it didn’t want food, it wouldn’t go towards the light and it wasn’t on the floor so we couldn’t get a box over it.

Mr H decided to try and trap the pigeon in a saucepan, so we got out the largets one we have. As soon as he got anywhere near the pigeon it flew off and tried to land on the top of the living room door frame. It couldn’t manage it and fell to the floor just to the side of the door. From there it was fairly easy to guide to through the living room door, however we didn’t manage to turn the living room light off soon enough (to guide the bird towards the patio door where the light was on) and the poor bird went to the window that wasn’t open rather than the open patio door. Again the little thing tried to land on the curtain rail but had no space to balance and fell to the floor.

We had to do a bit of furniture re-arranging to get to the pigeon now as it was hidden behind the air con unit, a few of the munchkin’s toys and right next to the TV unit. Once we’d moved everything we could see it crouching in the corner on a pile of Mr H’s audio cables. I tried encouraging him to move by gently nudging it with a magazine but that didn’t work. I think he was getting tired. In the end I managed to slide the magazine underneath the pigeon (but on top of the cables) so that he was sitting on the magazine. He didn’t move or panic at all as I carefully carried him outside and placed the magazine on the floor. I left him and closed the door behind me. He sat very still for 10 minutes. We could see him breathing but he wasn’t going anywhere, I was so worried the stress of it all was going to kill him. We went back through to the kitchen to see what sort of mess he’d left us and when we checked back he’d gone. I hope he’ll be ok.

He left us a lot of little presents on top of the fridge along with one on the dining room carpet (I’d seen that one fall as he flew from the cupboard). We also found another one when we went to collect the magazine from outside once he’d gone….I guess that’s what he thinks of Slimming World!

This is the only picture that’s come out ok of the pigeon, I didn’t want to use the flash as I didn’t want to scare him.
Unexpected guest

So much for our planned nice, restful end to the weekend… We were going to get the munchkin to bed and then cook a nice dinner and relax in front of the repeat of Doctor Who… We grabbed a quick sandwich in the times when we weren’t watching the pigeon (and when we could get to the various parts of the kitchen that we needed) and missed Doctor Who completely. We always miss it on a Saturday as it’s at the time we’re trying to get the munchkin to bed. I haven’t checked yet, but I hope it’s repeated again on BBC3 at some point as it’s the second part of a two parter….

I love this….just been reminded of it by a BBC news article….enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI (I can’t get the embedding thing to work…..sorry….it’s a fab, funny music video)

This is the book that the munchkin decided to remove from the bookcase and read this morning! She’s spent the past 10 minutes flicking through the pages of it!