I’ve just been sent these in an email and thought they were great. Enjoy!

Those wonderful Church Bulletins! 
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences ( with all the BLOOPERS ) actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in
church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance
to get rid of those things not worth keeping around
the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about
you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way
again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
————————–
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that
began in their school days.
————————–
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to
our choir practise.
————————–
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to
the addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.
————————–
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
————————–
Please place your donation in the envelope along
with the deceased person you want remembered.
————————–
The church will host an evening of fine dining,
super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and
medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement
on Friday afternoon.
————————–
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket
and come prepared to sin.
————————–
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at
10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall
after the B. S. is done.
————————–
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
Congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
————————–
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at
7 PM . Please use the back door.
————————–
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
————————–
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new
campaign slogan last
Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

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